Just expressing myself here.....not intending to create conflict. In a previous post I outlined my time and energy commitment to the LDS church. I dedicated decades of service to this organization. I performed all tasks willingly like most do, I tried to live exactly like the religious culture dictated.....accept callings, serve faithfully, give time and talents to the work of the Lord. I found great reward out of each of these activities and opportunities of service. I was afforded many opportunities to lead, love and share for which I am grateful. These experiences have helped bundle me to who I am today. Many people now and in the past have said I am super nice, dedicated and work hard (sometimes to a fault also).
The conflict I have is mine to own and non-else. Since separating from family, religion and my previous life....I have experienced EXTREME loss. Again this is MINE to own. What I find most difficult to deal with is the loss from church and family.....really they are one in the same to the LDS faithful. When I was preparing to leave the church and leave my (socially acceptable) marriage, I told people that would be key to Rachel's survival in the church to ensure that they would be there and available to her as she went through this change in her life. I guess that shows that I did (even though that is diminished and dismissed by so many) and still do care about Rachel. I wanted to "fortify" her transition.
Doing this required me to fade into the background. To disconnect. To dismiss myself. To depart from the old and begin with the new.
Given that departure, my circle of influence has been depleted. I feel like I stepped back from those prior associations too soon and too far. I disconnected too completely for the comfort and safety of those I love. Now I feel disappointed in myself and those that I associated with just because of my honesty! Who would have thunk that honesty could create such an ostracizing experience for me. Again, this is MINE to own. I did not have a handbook on dealing with this kind of transition. There is not a handbook in the church of how to "deal with" people like me.....other than to help me stay in the church, be celibate and hopefully not kill myself in the process. I just wish more conversation (open and honest) could happen.
I had a friend post this event on Facebook for people to attend: