Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I have been reflecting on my journey and being on the outside of things, and peeking tentatively back into those prior structures....I am seeing things that are quite disturbing.  When I came out to people that were part of my support system 2 years ago.  I looked up to these people with admiration and respect.  I know that I have distanced myself from most of these individuals because I have left the construct that provided commonalities for us.  Now I feel that those friendships were only there because of the organization that we belonged to.  It is unfortunate to see, feel and sense.

I was told by some of these individuals that my option in coming out would be to live a celibate life and harbor those feelings and desires for the rest of my life.  Or in my case to continue to do that!  :(  Analogies were drawn to those unmarried (heterosexual) people within the church.  This is where similarities would stop.  Heterosexual single people have the opportuntity to date those they are physically attracted to, hold hands, kiss, and show affection.  Whereas, individuals in my situation would be relegated to complete abstinance from any form of affection towards those they are naturally attracted to.  This is in NO way equal or acceptable. 

I am very satisfied with where I am in my life.  I am glad I am independent enough to stand on my own when it comes to my decision as of late.  That I stood up for what I feel and am confident enough with those feelings.  When individuals are offering solutions for those in my situation, they need to STOP offering canned answers that suit their own view of things and need to realize that they just need to listen.  Offering advice can be harmful and damaging.  Give advice when asked, be considerate of the person you are advising, and do not give ultinatums.  (My children get ultimatums, they DO NOT like them even though sometimes they may be reasonable)  A person experiencing guilt, shame, stress, feelings of worthlessness, suicide.....DO NOT need ultimantums.  They need love, compassion, understanding, a listen ear, and someone that cares.

I am gratified that I had a few of these type of individuals in my life.  I continue to find a few others that have this type of skill and love.  Try to be that person, a person that is Christ-like (if you consider yourself Christian).....or as i refer to these type of individuals as.....INCLUSIVE!

1 comment:

  1. I am very happy for you both! It must be exciting to start again someplace new. I too have had recent thought for moving on to someplace new. Chuck and I have lived here all our lives and I feel nothing is here for us except jobs.

    I will miss having the opportunity to meet John and yourself again. You were the closest friends that we had meet online and we really,really enjoyed you company.