I friend texted me after my previous post and indicated that many times the person that is labeled as the “bully” usually has some bigger problems going on in their lives. At times they bully to overcompensate for the uncertainty and chaos in their own lives. There might be abuse, alcoholism, drug use, or disregard from them within their own households. Their way to garner attention and “take control” of their own situations is to make others’ lives more difficult.
Many of the problems related to bullying are systemic on a society and disregards expression, honesty, and real conversations…….and the way to adapt to these failings are to self-medicate, self-diagnose, and/or make others’ miserable. If something happens to an individual silence is the most used solution. Each individual has status, moral structure, or associations that they must keep active in their lives. The best way to secure these supporting factors is to be quiet.
Separating myself from past constructs has helped me be more aware of my social environ. I speak up more (much to some people’s dismay), I express how I feel (even though it may be honest and hurtful), I also listen better. I am attempting to extinguish my bitterness so that I am not too quick to judge and dismiss the situations and people that may be in need. I am gratified by this increased self-awareness. Also, to be fair to the bully….to recognize that there might be something that is amiss in their lives that they need assistance in overcoming.
Many people do not recognize that their words and actions are excruciatingly hurtful. Not sure how each person can be self-aware enough to see this impact. I remember sitting in my room when I was 16. Listening to my “medicating” music…..contemplating who I should include in my suicide note……that way my bullies would know exactly how harmful they were to me. I am sure there are many who do follow through with their plans that contemplate the same thing!
How can each of these individual scenarios be rectified?
1) People need to speak up
2) All parties involved need to come together to mediate differences
3) Solutions need to be agreed upon and a better plan set forth
4) Each person needs to recognize that “weakness” is alright and to seek out help is appropriate
5) Of course general societal attitudes need to adjust
I do see more people attempting to reach out, speak up and to get help. This seems like a grass-roots effort to positively affect change……but to me it is too insignificant. The unfortunate thing is that the divide between the “haves” and “have nots” is becoming wider…..the “haves” become so focused on status, belongings, and personal impression that the above list would be immediately disregarded as foolishness.
I will continue to advocate for change because the victims are so varied and in need.