Sunday, April 29, 2012

Hard day

I know, I bring upon myself my own grief, pain, and disappointment!

When I first started telling everyone that I was offered a new job, it was in Orlando and of my impending move.....they would say, "Wow, why not change everything in your life!".  

Now that I only have a few days left in Kansas City.  A place that I have truly learned to love in the past 2 years.  My blog name is "change is the only constant" so I need to learn from my blog!  LOL  

Let me list the changes, large and small:

Came out as a gay man over 2 years ago
No longer have a calling in the church
Gave up membership in the church
Moved out of my house I lived in for a handful of years
No longer garden (hobby)
Write more now than I ever had in my life
Kept a journal for 2 years, more than I have done in all my past existence
Send my 19 year old son to Mexico City for 2 years
Getting a divorce
Starting a new relationship, with a man
Moved a couple months ago
Got a new job
Daughter is graduating from high school
Leaving my children in KC
Leaving behind so many old/new friends
Left a wonderful job at JCCC
Not participating in Scouting because of who I am
Cut back on cooking (one of the stress relievers that I have)
Lost weight, changing wardrobes
No longer teach at church
I pray more than I did before
I am more honest with myself
Started a blog
Became an (informal) leader with John in our gay dads group
Go to counseling
Gave up the Spirit (according to the church)
Am in love (not lust, like so many believe)
Know who some true friends are, they manifested themselves through many of these changes
More sensitive and vocal about bullying

I am a bit emotional today.  I guess I need to allow myself that emotion at times.  Good to feel, but hard when it continues on for too long.  I recognize that I am just at the starting point of the change in moving cities and my job.  I need to remind myself that I need to grieve about each of the changes above that was a loss.  Move through them in a healthy mature way, not lashing out in anger and confusion.  Keep going has gotten better!

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