I have been waiting to write this one until I felt it time.....its time!
Myth: Being gay is ALL about sex!
I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard this statement, or some similar iteration of it. The number of emotions I have felt when I heard this statement is all over the board.....anger, guilt, frustration, misunderstanding, rage, disappointment, humiliation (just to name a few). These emotions change based on the person stating this also.
Some of this mis-perceptions are self imposed by the gay community....by the actions of some, by stereotypes, by self fulfilling roles. Other mis-perceptions are based on judgment, unfeeling, unknowing individuals that think it is sinful and degrading to the individual.
Step back and take gender off of relationships for a few minutes. What does a person look for in a relationship? Love, understanding, compassion, to be listened to, intimacy (sexual and/or closeness), empathy, concern, to serve, to be served, gentleness, honesty, trust, validation, partner......the list is endless. I think you get the point! Ponder what things make the relationship you are in. Are there things that you would add or take away from that current relationship? Are there other things that you would put on the list?
Now add gender back into the mix. EACH one of us are looking for those qualities in a personal, intimate relationship. What role does gender play in that? I was instructed, told, compelled to live a certain way due to social/religious norms. I did have many of those qualities in that relationship.....but there were some gaping holes. That is NOT to blame the individual that was in the relationship with me. It was due to a certain dissonance that was there because of unspoken, un-allowable, unlawful desires.....but according to an external force.
I cannot help or control the way I feel. I tried for too long and almost annihilated myself.
Now I can make a more complete, fulfilling decision to find more of those things that help a relationship flourish for me. I know this is not for everyone. Many may disagree with me. I am in a relationship that more fits who I am, without continual self-destruction. I have said this time and time again....I am finally whole in my center. It is amazing to be here! Being gay is about forming relationships that are healthy, encouraging, loving and supportive.